Let me start by spoiling the Ether Report card fun and saying this is the highest grade a record has ever received on For The Record. Sure we’re only four episodes in, but I assure you we’re a very choosy bunch and no one—and I mean no one—ever gets this high of a grade. That being said, if you didn’t enjoy Action Bronson’s “Baby Blue” (thoroughly), you’re a jerk. No, that was childish and untrue—I take it back, but your taste in music and the credibility of your ears are being questioned. Are those things working correctly?
“Baby Blue” is a musical record that appeals not only to Bronson fans, but even an audience outside of his reach—and isn’t that the goal? It’s genius! Not to mention, it’s produced by the almighty Mark Ronson, who also produced a current radio-hint “Uptown Funk.” Don’t believe me just watch.
Go on a date, I’m at the crib with the chef and uh, that’s me
And you could order whatever
The specialty is white snake and underwear sauce
—Action Bronson, “Baby Blue” (Verse 2)
It’s undeniable that Bronson has cultivated a style and flow of his own within his raps. His background as a chef peers through the countless food references in his music. Best of all, they’re witty and make way for a good laugh every now and then, without sounding cheesy. And if you pay attention, you’ll catch the outdated athlete references every once in a while—this record’s definitely got one.
To bring “Baby Blue” to full circle is Chance The Rapper, who effortlessly carries the record’s theme through a series of bad wishes towards the girl that’s ruined their relationship. But the beauty of it all is in the actual situations he’s carved out for our imaginations, which are pretty crappy but survivable. It’s the best way to flip an ex the birdie and childishly wish the worst thing upon them without necessarily wishing any harm. Naturally, it’s what a hurt ego does and whether we’d like to admit it or not we’ve all been hurt before. Chance, I get it. I can also relate…there…I said it. Your turn.
I hope you get a paper cut on your tongue
From a razor in a paper cup
I hope every soda you drink already shaken up
I hope your dreams dry like raisins in the baking sun
I hope your titties all saggy in your early 20’s
I hope there’s always snow in your driveway
I hope you never get off Fridays
And you work at a Friday’s that’s always busy on Fridays
I hope you win the lottery and lose your ticket
I hope it’s Ben and Socrates poop all up in your kitchen
I hope the zipper on your jacket get stuck
And your headphones short, and your charger don’t work
And you spill shit on your shirt
I hope your tears don’t hurt, and I can smile in your face
Cut my losses, how Delilah changed my locks to a fade
I hope you happy, I hope you happy
I hope you ruined this shit for a reason, I hope you happy, igh
—Chance The Rapper, “Baby Blue”
I couldn’t think of anyone better than Chance The Rapper to have been a feature on this record—maybe Andre 3000, but that’s a different conversation. Have you ever worked at a Friday’s on a Friday? It’s not pretty. Can you imagine how pissed you be if you lost a winning lotto ticket? I’d never forgive myself. Or how about getting your zipper stuck? It’s by far one of the most annoying things that can happen to you on any given day. Now get a little crazy, use your imagination and picture all of these things collectively happening to you in one freaking day. Total. Mind. F—.
Action Bronson is a highly slept on rapper. His skill is unique and his delivery is priceless. His visuals are on another level of entertaining and if you can’t agree to that, I revert back to my previous insult—you are a jerk. Bronson is a natural performer both on and off the stage with lyrics, visuals, and an energy that is undeniably that of a star’s. With four records already released off his anticipated Mr. Wonderful, Bronson has yet to disappoint and in seven days we’ll get to find out for sure.